Happy Birthday Germany!
by icecreamandfernweh
Summary: Various nations wish Germany a happy birthday in 2015. Includes Germany, Prussia, Italy, Romano, Russia, America, England, France, Japan, and Poland. Has some GerIta and Spamano. Also has a few backstories added in now. Rated T for language.
1. Stolen Tomatoes

**Okay, I seriously meant to upload this wayyyyyy earlier today, but I had work and then when I finally finished it I didn't have internet. Well, here's Germany's birthday story, even though it's already the 4th in Germany. (Just to clarify, later in the story when Russia appears, he was already on his way to Germany's house and just happened to arrive right when his name was mentioned.)  
**

 **EDIT: The three birthdays Prussia mentions are being added to this story if you're curious.**

 **Hetalia and all these characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

* * *

"Germany, Germany!" The blonde nation looked up from his breakfast to see Italy flapping his arms and running toward him.

He sighed and replied, "What is it this time, Italy? And put some clothes on!"

Italy threw himself onto Germany and said, "Happy Birthday, Germany!" Before he knew it, the pasta-loving country was in a headlock.

"How many times have I told you not to jump on me when you're naked?!" Germany said, dropping Italy onto the ground before handing him his jacket.

"But Germany, it's your birthday! I brought you a present," Italy said before thrusting a box into the blonde's face.

Flustered, Germany mumbled, "You didn't have to do that."

"Open it, open it!"

Germany looked at the box. It was covered in wrapping paper with potatoes and beer floating around. Italy had also written 'To: Germany, From: Your Best Friend'. Expecting to receive a plate of pasta like last year, Germany unwrapped the gift and opened the box.

Inside wasn't food, but a small painting of him and Italy, holding hands.

Germany's face grew red and he shouted, "What is this?! It looks like something a married couple would hang over a fire!"

"It's a picture of us being friends!"

"But why are we holding hands?!"

"That's to show our friendship! Don't you love it?" At that moment, South Italy arrived at the door, holding his side and wheezing.

"I thought I told you not to go over to his house, you little shit," he finally said when he caught his breath.

"But, Romano, it's his birthday. Aren't you going to wish him happy birthday?" Italy said.

"No, I'm not going to wish that potato bastard happy birthday! Wait, what the hell is _that_?!" Romano yelled when he saw the painting.

"It's his present I made for—" Italy was cut off by his brother running toward Germany and jumping at him. Instead of knocking him to the ground, Romano fell backwards.

"Why do you two always insist on jumping on me?" Germany asked.

Romano ignored him and spat back, "Get away from Veneziano, you perverted potato." He sprang up and grabbed Italy's wrist, dragging him to the door.

"Bye, Germany! I'll see you later!" Italy waved at Germany with his free hand before disappearing out the door.

 _There's another one of my coats taken over by Italy,_ Germany thought. He looked at the painting again and walked into his room.

 _He worked so hard on it; I wouldn't want to just throw it away._ He tucked the portrait in the back of his closet, next to the push broom he'd always had a strange attachment to. Germany went back to finish his breakfast with a small smile on his face, thinking his birthday might not be too terrible this year.

* * *

After breakfast, Germany was finally beginning his paperwork for the day when the phone started ringing. _I swear if that's Italy again…_

"Hallo?" he said into the phone.

"Yo, Germany! How ya been?" America yelled back, causing Germany to jerk the phone away from his ear. _Why is he always so loud?_

"I'm fine. Did you need something, America?"

"I was just calling to say happy birthday. Dude, did you know that I'm totally older than you? Germany is only 25 years old!"

"I don't think it works like that. See, before I was the Bundesrepublik Deutschland, I was the Weimar—"

"Whoa, too many words I don't know. Stop trying to deny it; I remember when you and Prussia were reunified, so I know what I'm talking about." _Does he not remember fighting me in both world wars? Maybe if I agree he'll go away._

"Alright, America, you're right. Was there anything else?"

"Nah man, I've gotta get going. I have a meeting with the boss at seven, and I wanna have time to stop at Mickey D's along the way. I'll see ya later."

"Auf wiedersehen."

Germany hung up and put the phone back. _Mein gott, he's almost as bad as Prussia._

* * *

"West! Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!" Prussia yelled as he slammed open the door to Germany's office. _Speak of the devil._

"Danke, Bruder, but I'm very busy so if you could just—" Germany tried to say.

"Nein, nein, this is important. Do you remember that one birthday when you got super drunk and prank called Russia?"

"That was you."

"Oh. What about that one when you stole a goat and—"

"Also you."

"Really? Man, I'm so awesome. Wait, wait, this one was you, I'm sure of it. It was a few years ago when you got seriously hammered and called Italy—" Germany's face turned scarlet as he clamped a hand over Prussia's mouth.

"Don't ever bring that up again or I swear, I'll give you back to Russia," Germany threatened before letting go of his brother.

"You said my name?" Russia asked from the doorway. _When did he get here?!_

"What the hell are you doing here?" Prussia demanded.

"I'm delivering a birthday card to Germany," the larger nation said.

"Well, why didn't you just _mail_ it then? We don't want you here," Prussia said. _It's not even noon and I'm already getting a headache._

"Nyet, I heard Germany say he'll give you back to me, da?"

"Yeah right, like I'd ever go back to—"

"Both of you shut up! Russia, you are not getting mein Bruder back. Bruder, stop harassing him."

"Maybe some other day then, Prussia! I do miss having you around the house. Here's your letter, Germany, and here's the ones the mailman dropped when he saw me and ran away. I wonder why he did that? Well, bye!" Russia left the room while Prussia stuck his tongue out at his back.

"I hate that guy. Like the awesome Prussia would ever go back to his place; it sucked!"

"Bruder, if you don't need anything, I think I'm going to get back to work."

"Aw, come on, West, let's open those letters! I want to see what everyone wrote."

"Nein, I'm busy. Go bother Austria."

"Fine, but you're not getting out of the party tonight. I ordered three barrels of the finest Deutsches Bier. Hopefully that'll be enough."

"It'll be plenty, besides we can always get more. Now, if you wouldn't mind?"

"Ja, ja, I'm leaving." The door to Germany's study was shut, once again bringing blessed silence over the room.

 **The next day:**

Germany groaned and opened his eyes, looking around him. For some reason, he didn't have a shirt on, and he was holding a tomato. He looked over and saw Prussia passed out on the ground next to him.

"Bruder, wake up," he said as he shook the albino's shoulders.

"Man, that was one hell of a party. Where are we?" Prussia mumbled sleepily.

"I think we're in the backyard. Do you know what happened last night?" Germany asked.

"Let me think. We drank a lot at the party. I think we ended up going to get more beer. Wait, I remember now! We snuck into Spain's garden and stole all his tomatoes," Prussia said.

"Great, now we have to—" Germany said before getting cut off by a shout in the distance. He stared at the figure for a moment and continued, "Why is Romano running toward us?"

"Oh crap," Prussia said. "There was more. We saw Romano walking into Spain's house and ambushed him with tomatoes."

"Please tell me that was a dream you had."

"Judging by the look on his face, I'd say it happened. Well, I think it's time for the awesome Prussia to get the hell out of here."

"I think I'll join you." Germany and Prussia stood up and ran away from the angry Italian, trying to avoid owning up to what they did for as long as possible. _As much as I hate to admit it, that was a pretty good birthday._

 **Letters for Germany:**

 _My friend Germany,_

 _Happy Birthday! I wanted you to know that there are no hard feelings over what happened 25 years ago. I'm confident I'll eventually get all my old friends to come back to live with me again, but in the mean time you should be coming over to visit, da?  
_

 _XOXO,_

 _Russia_

* * *

 _Dear Germany,_

 _Happy birthday, old chap. I've baked you some scones to enjoy with your afternoon tea. Enjoy!_

 _Sincerely,_

 _England_

* * *

 _Germany,_

 _Happy birthday, mon ami. Take my advice and don't eat those scones that Eyebrows made for you. You could assassinate someone with one of those._

 _France_

* * *

 _Germany-san,_

 _I'm writing this letter to formally wish you a joyous birthday. Please accept my congratulations on the 25_ _th_ _anniversary of your reunification with your brother. I'm sending some miniaturized statues of your Brandenburg Gate along with this letter. I deeply hope you like them._

 _With respect,_

 _Japan_

* * *

 _Germany,_

 _Happy birthday.  
_

 _Poland_

 _p.s. I, like, still hate you and your stupid brother._

* * *

 **And that's it! Hopefully it's not terrible :\ Also to explain America's comment about being older than Germany: the current Germany we know today has only been around for 25 years since the BRD (West Germany) and DDR (East Germany) were reunified on October 3rd, 1990.  
**

 **Nyet (Russian)- No [this is how I always see it written in other fanfics, but google translate is telling me there's no y.]  
**

 **Hallo (German)- Do I really need to do this one?**

 **Bundesrepublik Deutschland (German)- Federal Republic of Germany**

 **Weimar (German)- He was going to say Weimar Republik which is what Germany was after WWI before it became Nazi Germany [at least I believe this is correct]**

 **Auf Wiedersehen (German): Goodbye**

 **Mein gott (German)- My god**

 **Alles gute zum Geburtstag (German)- Happy Birthday**

 **Danke (German)- Thank you**

 **Bruder (German)- Brother**

 **Nein (German)- No**

 **Deutsches Bier (German)- German Beer**

 **I think that's all the translations. Sorry about all the German, I just think it's one of the coolest languages and I happen to actually know some.**


	2. Prankcalling Russia

**This takes places on October 3rd, 1991. That day celebrated the one year anniversary of the reunification of East and West Germany.**

 **Hetalia and all these characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

* * *

"Yo, West, I almost forgot it's your birthday."

Germany looked up from his work to see Prussia leaning against the doorway. "Ja, that's right. I have a new birthday this year."

"So how come this is just your birthday? We were both reunited a year ago, not just you."

"Do you want this to be your birthday, Bruder?"

"Hell no, the awesome Prussia has his own day!" Prussia fist pumped and took a seat in front of Germany's desk. "So do you wanna go celebrate?"

"Nein, I'm busy."

"Awww, come on, West. It'll be fun. There'll be beer," Prussia sang.

Germany looked up and asked, "What kind of beer?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm feeling like a pint of Altbier. That stuff's almost as great as me."

"I suppose I can take the rest of the day off. Let's go."

* * *

After 25 beers, Prussia had a wonderful idea.

"West, I have a plan," he slurred.

"What is it?" Germany replied, equally as drunk as his brother.

"Let's call the frozen bag of Scheiβe," Prussia suggested.

"Russia? Why do you want to call him?" Germany asked.

"To prank him. It'll be funny, I promise," Prussia answered.

"Okay, Bruder, I trust you," Germany said as he handed Prussia the phone. It took four tries, but the albino eventually dialed the correct number.

After ringing a few times, Russia's voice came from the other end. "Privyet?"

Prussia blurted out, "Is your refrigerator running?"

"I do not have a refrigerator," came the cheerful reply. Prussia only paused for a minute before moving on to a different joke.

"Oh, well is Seymour there?" he asked.

"No," Russia stated.

"What about his brother, Harry?" Prussia inquired desperately.

"No."

"Mein gott, why aren't you falling for any of my hilarious pranks?!"

"Prussia? Is this you?"

"Nein! It's, uh, Germany!" Germany looked up and glared at his brother. "I mean, it's Austria!"

"I've missed you, Prussia. Would you like to come and visit?" Russia asked.

"No way, I hate your place," Prussia answered before thinking.

"Ah, so I was right, it is you. You missed me too, da?"

"Never! The awesome Prussia needs no one!" Prussia jumped up and threw the phone at the wall in his drunken frenzy. The device broke, hanging up on Russia.

"That was terrible, Bruder," Germany told Prussia.

"You're just jealous of my amazing wit!" Prussia bragged as he opened yet another beer.

It only took five more minutes of drinking before the two passed out. Needless to say, they were very confused when they woke up and saw Russia waiting outside their house the next day.

* * *

 **Prussia's terrible jokes: "Is your refrigerator running?" "Yes." "Well, you better go catch it!"/ "Seymour Butts"/ "Harry Butts"**

 **Also yeah I always get kind of confused about Germany's birthday. If Prussia is East Germany, then why isn't it a joint celebration? I mean, his birthday is the Day of German Unity so it'd make sense for Prussia to celebrate it too.**


	3. The Great Goat Theft

**It's been almost a month since I last updated this, but here's the third chapter finally. It's a little longer than the previous one. The rating also went up for this chapter, but it's only cause of a little bit of swearing. Sorry for the long wait, and I hope you enjoy!**

 **Hetalia and all these characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

* * *

"Happy fifteenth, West!" Prussia yelled as the two brothers slammed their first beers of the night against each other. After a busy day, the celebration of Germany's reunification could finally be properly celebrated. "Let's make a bet."

"What kind of bet?" Germany asked suspiciously as he downed half his beer.

"Let's see who can drink the most beer. It'll be me, since I'm the best at everything, but you can still try your hardest," Prussia suggested.

"What happens to the loser?" Germany wondered.

"The loser has to do whatever the winner says," replied Prussia.

Germany thought about it for a moment before shrugging and deciding, "Sure, why not? I'll win anyways since I'm bigger than you, Bruder."

"Nein, nein, I'm older. Plus, I'm a master beer drinker. No one can defeat me!" Prussia exclaimed. The two brothers refilled their cups, and the competition began. They gulped down drink after drink, neither willing to lose. Around the 15th glass, the effects of the alcohol really started to show.

Germany was leaning against the table with the top few buttons on his shirt undone. His jacket had been carefully folded up and placed next to him a while ago. He appeared better off than Prussia, who was currently swaying slightly in his seat.

"Do you give up?" Prussia slurred before letting out a loud belch.

"Nein. You're going to lose soon, and then I'm going to make you clean out all the scheiβe you've shoved into the basement," Germany said more coherently than his brother.

"That stuff isn't scheiβe! They're mementos from my awesome life, and I'll never get rid of them. Never!" Prussia yelled before chugging the rest of his beer.

Ten more drinks and Prussia was on top of the table screaming at the top of his lungs, "For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellowwwww—" The song ended abruptly when Germany threw a potato right into Prussia's gut, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Fuck!" Prussia swore.

"You sounded like a, uh, like a, what's the word I'm looking for?" Germany asked.

"Angel?" Prussia suggested.

"Dying cow, that's it!" Germany remembered.

"You're just jealous of my beautiful voice. Where the hell did you get that potato?" Prussia demanded.

"I always have a potato with me. That way I'm prepared for anything." Germany answered, completely serious.

They both filled their glasses up again and drank, spilling almost as much beer as they gulped down. They did so one more time before the contest came to an end at the 28th drink. Prussia managed to finish his beer, but Germany couldn't do it. Halfway through, he fell over backwards and blacked out for a few minutes. When he woke up, Prussia was cheering.

"I win! Suck it, West!" Prussia yelled. He tried to stand up, but crumpled to the ground as well. Too lazy to stand back up, he stayed where he was.

"Nein, nein, Bruder, I was just resting! I'm not done!" Germany said desperately.

"You fainted, so you lose. Now you have to do whatever I say," Prussia reminded him.

Defeated, Germany gave up and asked, "What do I have to do?"

"Go steal one of Switzerland's goats," Prussia ordered him.

"Anything but that! Do you want him to kill me?" Germany complained.

"Don't get caught, and nothing will happen. Come on, let's go," Prussia replied. When neither of them could walk more than a few steps without falling, they decided to wait an hour before they started to drive to Switzerland. Prussia managed to drive for about 300 feet before he hit a tree, so they continued their trek on foot. Luckily, they were already close to the border, so it only took them about 40 minutes before they were in Switzerland's goat farm.

Germany attempted to quietly wake up one of the animals and lead it away, but the stubborn goat refused to move. Prussia stood outside the pasture, laughing as he watched the struggle.

"Come on you stupid Ziege. We need to leave before Switzerland wakes up," Germany told the goat. He stopped trying to make the animal follow him, instead picking it up. He managed to wake up the rest of the goats in the process, causing them to bleat loudly. He immediately started running away. When he was almost at the gate where Prussia waited, a door slammed open behind him.

"Thief! Stop!" Switzerland yelled. A shot rang out, missing Germany's leg by less than a foot. He redoubled his efforts, continuing to run with Prussia at his side. They finally lost Switzerland as they sprinted over the border and back into their own country. They collapsed on the ground, too exhausted to stop the goat from running away now that it was free.

"That was awesome!" Prussia yelled.

"Do you think he knew it was us?" Germany wondered.

"It was too dark, and we're wearing hats, so we're fine. We're so doing that again next year!" Prussia reassured Germany.

"Next time you have to do it, then. That's it, I'm going to sleep," Germany informed his brother.

"Right here? We're not even home yet," Prussia asked, confused.

"I don't care. We can walk back in the morning," Germany said. He laid down and closed his eyes, appearing to fall asleep instantly. After a few minutes, Prussia stretched out next to him.

"You know, West, you were almost as cool as me tonight," Prussia whispered. Germany opened his eyes and turned his head toward Prussia. When the albino realized Germany wasn't asleep, he got embarrassed.

"That's not what I meant! I was trying to say you'll never be as great as me!" he insisted.

"Sure, Bruder," Germany replied, "whatever you say. Gute Nacht." He turned around and shifted until he found a comfortable position.

Prussia opened his mouth to defend himself further, but closed it when he heard snores drifting his way. He decided to continue the conversation in the morning, if they even remembered it. Within seconds he too was asleep, snoring away just like Germany.

* * *

 **Well there ya go, feel free to comment if ya want. The last chapter will hopefully be done faster than this one.  
**

 **Ziege (German)- Goat**

 **Gute Nacht (German)- Good night**


	4. I Have A Confession, Italy

**I just realized that in my last chapter, Prussia was supposed to be the one to steal the goat. Oh well, I like how it turned out the way it is, so I hope that's alright. :\ Anyways here's the last chapter of Germany's Birthday! I had fun writing this story. Enjoy!  
**

 **Hetalia and all these characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.**

* * *

"Are we still getting together tonight, Bruder?" Germany asked Prussia over the phone.

"Ja, of course we are, it's your 20th birthday! Plus, I want beer," Prussia answered.

"Okay, just making sure. I'll be home soon, I'm just finishing up some work," Germany informed his brother.

"I'll be waiting here being all cool," Prussia assured him.

"What does that even mean?" Germany wondered.

"It means I'm awesome!" Prussia screamed into the phone, prompting Germany to hang up immediately. _I think I need to have another talk with him about using his indoor voice,_ he thought as he gathered his things up to leave.

After a short drive, the blonde country was home. He walked inside and found Prussia lying on the couch, snoring.

"Bruder, wake up." When Prussia didn't move, he continued, "Alright, I guess I'll just have to find someone else to drink beer with me tonight."

"Hm?" Prussia sprung up from the couch. "Did someone say beer? I'll have some." _Works every time._

It took a solid 30 beers before Germany was the drunkest he'd ever been. He soon found himself with his phone in his hand, and a brilliant idea floating through his head.

"Bruder, bruder, I have –hic– a great –hic– idea," he slurred.

"What?" Prussia asked.

"I'm going to call Italy," Germany replied.

"Do it! Tell him the amazing Prussia says hi," Prussia suggested. Germany nodded and scrolled through the contacts in his phone. He found the one he wanted and pressed call, then held the phone to his ear.

"Prontu?" an irritated voice answered sleepily.

"Italy, I've wanted to tell you something for a long time," Germany began, the alcohol making him braver.

"What the—"

"Nein, let me speak," Germany interrupted. "I know I may not show it, but I really like you. You were my first friend. Even though you're annoying, and I sometimes want to smack you so hard you black out, I don't know what I'd do without you. You make me happy. So… Ich liebe dich, Veneziano!"

The phone was silent for a moment, and then, "What the fuck are you talking about, you potato bastard?! I told you to stay the hell away from my stupid brother! You better lock your door, cause I'm gonna come kick your ass!" The line went dead, and Germany paled.

"Oh, Scheiβe," he groaned.

"What happened? Did he say hi to me?" Prussia said.

"I accidentally called Romano," Germany told his brother. "Their contacts are right next to each other on my phone."

"Kesesesese!" Prussia laughed. "You're so dead!"

"You live here too, so you're just as dead," Germany reminded him.

"Oh, ja. We need to barricade ourselves, quick!" Prussia decided.

The two men retreated to Germany's room and piled up the furniture in front of the door. The minute they finished, they collapsed and fell asleep on the ground.

The next morning, Germany opened his eyes. He had a pounding headache, and couldn't help but feel as if something terrible had happened the night before. He lifted his head and looked around the room, confused as to why everything in his room was strewn across the floor, plus there was a gaping hole in the door. He continued his scan until his eyes landed on Romano. The Italian was standing in the corner, an axe in his hand and a murderous look covering his face. Everything rushed back to Germany. The beer. The phone call. Romano's fury.

"Ah, hallo, Romano," Germany greeted him awkwardly.

"Silenziu! I'm going to rip you to shreds, you bastard," Romano yelled, waking up Prussia.

"What's going on," he asked sleepily. Before Germany even had time to explain anything, a book was thrown at his brother's head, knocking the albino out cold. Normally, Germany wouldn't be worried about a threat from either of the Italy brothers, but he'd never seen Romano so mad before.

"Now it's your turn, you perverted potato sucker," Romano promised, pointing his weapon at Germany.

"Just hold on a second, Romano," Germany attempted to calm the man down. "Is violence really necessary?"

"Hell yeah, it is! You told me you loved my brother!" Romano yelled.

Germany winced and went bright red at the embarrassing memory. "Ja, I know, but I was drunk. I don't actually want Veneziano to know what I said."

"I'm not fucking telling him. I'm trying to make him stop visiting you, not move in! Now prepare for the beating of your life!" Romano ran toward him, but a few steps into his sprint, he tripped over one of the multiple pieces of furniture littering the ground. He fell flat on his face, unconscious.

"I was wondering when your Italian fighting skills would appear," Germany told the limp body. "I suppose I should be glad. Now, Italy will never know about my confession." Before Romano could wake up, Germany picked him up and drove him to Spain's house. It would take forever for the Spaniard to let his "friend" out of his home, so hopefully he'd forget all about what happened.

Luckily for Germany, Romano never brought up the incident again, although he seemed especially foul towards the blonde for weeks following the call. As long as the secret remained between them, he didn't care how much the foul-mouthed country hated him. Better to have one angry Italian, than die of embarrassment.

* * *

 **And that's it! Translations:**

 **Prontu (Sicilian): Ready. This is the most common way to answer the phone in Italy. It's left over from when people needed to tell the operator they were ready to accept the call. (in Italian it's Pronto)  
**

 **Silenziu (Sicilian): Silence (in Italian it's Silenzio)  
**

 **Ich liebe dich (German): I love you**

 **Okay, I know Sicilian isn't technically a language since it's just considered a dialect, but they have some pretty big differences with vowels and stuff like that. One of my headcannons is that South Italy speaks Sicilian, rather than normal Italian like North Italy. For those of you that don't know, Sicily is an island off the coast of Italy. It's the big island that the boot (Italy) is kicking. That's were the Mafia originated and it's part of southern Italy. It's super cool. -Yes, I'm partially Sicilian and damn proud of it :P**


End file.
